Riding that familiar family roller coaster

It is tempting to believe that life is supposed to be smooth sailing but often it is more like riding a roller coaster. CNS photo

Even Jesus had his bad days

By David Michael Thomas
It is tempting to believe that life is supposed to be smooth sailing, peaceful and calm. It's a belief, however, that can leave us feeling confused when a crisis develops. We wonder, "What went wrong?"

Let me simply say here that, as an adult, a parent and now a grandparent, I have learned that my life is more like riding a roller coaster than sailing smoothly over placid waters. There are lots of ups and downs.

I have noticed that the life of Jesus was much the same. He had some really great days, like when he was able to offer life-giving wisdom to the Samaritan woman at the well. But there were bad days too, like toward the end of his life when his closest followers were arguing about which one would be first. They had missed something essential in his teachings. And if they got it wrong, what about everyone else?

Living in a down day

Just today I had a "down day." My right knee, the one I injured as a teen, flared up again, 50 years later. I was having a great deal of difficulty walking down the stairs of our home. Every step hurt. Then I went out to the garage to find that our car had a flat tire.

My wife said, "Call Triple A. We're covered."

I couldn't do that. I had a doctor's appointment in less than half an hour. It would take Triple A easily that long to find our house. I had to change the tire myself. When I got to the tire store, they told me the tire had to be replaced, but that size was out of stock.

Then the grade report for one of our daughters came in the mail. In two subjects she dropped a level. In the same mail came a bill I had forgotten to pay. They were threatening "collection."

Well, you get the point. As I said, the day was turning out to be a downer.

Two years ago I needed heart repair: angioplasty, like thousands of other people. My doctor told me that as far as he could tell, the primary reason I had this difficulty with plaque build-up was that I had too much stress in my life. You need to take care of that, he warned.
How should I deal with all these "ups and downs?" Or more to the point, how should I deal with all the problems and disappointments that I can come to believe are "inevitable?" As a concerned parent, what am I to do?

Survival rules for pressure

I have had to develop a way of dealing with these pressures that addresses the problems and preserves my health. You might call these "practices" my survival rules. They work fairly well. I've drawn them from a variety of sources.

First, when faced with a challenge, I try not to react right away. Floods of emotion, especially those of frustration or anger, guarantee cloudy thinking. So, if possible, I take a breath and try to quiet myself. Then I begin to think.

If I can remember to do so, I also say a prayer -- something along the lines of the acceptance prayer that asks God's help to discern between what can be changed and what can't. Then I try to break up whatever the issue might be into manageable pieces. Mostly, I try to say calm.

I also ask whether I have to tackle whatever the difficulty is all by myself. Like many firstborns, I tend toward "a messianic approach" in which I try to solve problems all by myself. That's not good. So I consciously seek help from others. My first helper is my wife. Then I work toward seeking the assistance of our children, neighbors and friends.

I can't emphasize too strongly how I need to take care of myself during challenging times. I don't want to fall into discouragement and confusion. I need to "keep cool."

And remain hopeful. Studies of troubled families say that the presence of hope, along with a belief that they can "do it," often spells the difference between success and failure.

While we've heard it many times, the old saying that God will never give us more than we can handle is worth remembering.

Lastly, enjoy the ride.

David Michael Thomas is a former professor of family ministry at Regis University in Denver and is now a consultant with Benziger Publishing Company.

Catholic News Service