‘Look at the fruits!’

 Improved health, respect for women said to be some benefits

By John Lindblom

In the last issue of The Progress, (July 28), Michael and Monica Bernstein discussed contraception’s violation of the marriage covenant, the difference between NFP and the outdated rhythm method, and the 99 percent effectiveness of modern NFP.  Here the discussion continues, on NFP’s positive benefits:

Q: What are the benefits of Natural Family Planning?

Monica:  One is it’s completely reversible…you can immediately start trying to get pregnant if you’d like to. With some of the chemical forms of birth control, they recommend waiting three or six months, or sometimes longer, in order for the hormones to wear off.

Another benefit is that you can actually use your chart to help if you’re having difficulty getting pregnant. Because you’re tracking symptoms that tell you about the hormones…you can use nutrition, vitamins, and other non-invasive methods of helping to improve your chances of getting pregnant. In fact my sister was having difficulty getting pregnant, and they noticed that part of her cycle…was a little bit too short, so it wasn’t giving a baby time to implant, so she improved some nutritional things and was able to get pregnant, and so now she has two children that she would not have had…it works both ways.

            Also, as a woman, all of your reproductive organs are internal, and you don’t get to see if they’re OK each day, but if you’re reading your signs you can tell if something changes, or if something’s a little bit off, so you can go [to your doctor] and say, ‘I noticed something different with my cycle, do you mind checking things out?’

Another one of my sisters was actually using Natural Family Planning and she noticed something different … and was diagnosed with cervical cancer, but the doctor was shocked that she was in there, because she had caught it two years before most people even would have noticed, and so she was able to have surgery, and able to have children afterwards, which with cervical cancer is really unusual…So, there are some good success stories from that.

Michael: It makes a real contrast with chemical contraceptives—usually you’re asking yourself, ‘How bad are the side effects gonna be from my family planning method? Is it going to give me a greater risk of breast cancer? Am I going to have to worry about heart disease…With Natural Family Planning we’re in the position of being able to say, ‘there are no side effects. All we have for you are benefits.’

Monica:  Another major area of benefit with Natural Family Planning that we’ve noticed is in our relationship. There are a lot of different aspects of that.

Michael: One aspect is how much respect it creates between the two spouses, because as you’re coming to know the woman’s fertility you really come to know more about each other and respect each other. I respect Monica more for knowing what’s going on in her body and how complex she is and how wondrous it is that women are able to have babies.

Monica:  And I respect that Michael is willing to practice this with me and to make the sacrifice of doing abstinence with me because, you know, it is a sacrifice, but it’s really, you know, a lot better for my body and for our relationship, and obviously for our relationship with God.

Michael: One of the other surprising benefits actually had to do with the abstinence. People say sometimes, “Gosh, abstaining for 7-12 days a month, that sounds like a painful sacrifice.” There is a sense—I mean, it is a sacrifice—as Christians we shouldn’t be surprised that we’re sometimes called to make sacrifices. But one of the real benefits is that you can create a sense of seasons in your relationship. That within your cycle there’s a time for renewing your marriage covenant, a time for having the marital act, but also a time for practicing your love in other ways. And in a way it reminds us a lot of being engaged: that’s the time we might go for a long walk, or stay up late talking, or I might bring flowers or play board games together. Abstinence renews your interest.

Monica:  That’s a different and wonderful kind of spontaneity, and a great expression of affection and love that—sometimes  people who are on the Pill are like, “He only hugs me when he wants to go to bed that night…” That’s something that you don’t experience when you’re using NFP.

Michael: …Look at the fruits! Even if you didn’t understand theologically the difference between NFP and contraception—

Monica:  — “By their fruits you shall know them”

Michael: The difference and effect in the lives of the people who use it would be really clear. That’s one reason that even if the Church didn’t teach against contraception, I can’t imagine that we would use anything but NFP. We’ve really seen all the benefits to our marriage, and we wouldn’t change.

Monica:  It’s a beautiful way of returning respect to women who have been objectified for a long time…Janet Smith likes to say the Pill makes women like men in that they can have sex and not get pregnant, but it’s a blessing to be able to have sex and get pregnant. It’s not supposed to be seen as a big problem; that’s a blessing that women have been gifted with, and in Theology of the Body, and in Natural Family Planning, women, and their spouses, learn to view their fertility as a gift, rather than as some sort of problem to be solved, and something to be respected instead of something to be, sort of…fixed.

Michael: Couples who practice [NFP] in our country have less than a 5 percent divorce rate, compared with a divorce rate of over 50 percent for the population as a whole...we think that couples who are preserving the nature of the act that renews their covenant, following God’s plan, are certainly more likely to have a stronger covenant as a whole; that couples who aren’t breaking apart the two aspects of sex are not likely to be broken up as two people.

Q: What can pastors, or parishes, or anybody else for that matter, do to help promote the cause?

Michael: At Blessed Sacrament… the pastor made it a requirement for the engaged couples to meet at least once with NFP teachers to find out about NFP… for an hour or two, just to learn about it. Some couples who aren’t interested in the beginning, over the course of two hours, by the end have become excited, maybe because of the health benefits, or the relational ones. It’s a very appealing message, it’s just a matter of creating the environment for that to happen.

Another thing that pastors can do is to preach about it…People trust their pastors, and I think if pastors spoke of it as part of the Gospel, rather than as some add-on accessory, it would make more sense to their parishioners… allow people to make informed decisions…Since about half the people we talk to think NFP is the rhythm method, just being allowed to correct that error is worth the price of admission.

 

‘Sexual Common Sense’  Dr. Janet Smith, one of the country’s leading experts on Catholic teaching on sexuality, contraception, and NFP, will be speaking in Seattle along with local speaker Dr. Tom Curran in a series called “Sexual Common Sense,” August 15-19, sponsored by Trinity Formation Resources, a Resource for the Archdiocese of Seattle, at Best Western Executel in Federal Way. Dr. Smith will give several talks on issues related to sexuality, including  “Contraception: Why Not?” which has persuaded thousands of people to reconsider their support and use of contraception. For more information, contact Trinity Formation Resources, (888) 765-9269, or (253) 835-5016, or info@trinityformationresources.org.

Monica:  I think [pastors preaching from the pulpit] –that’s key. A lot of priests feel like they don’t really have any business talking about Natural Family Planning—they’re not married, but the Theology of the Body was written by John Paul II—not married—and it’s just an amazingly beautiful body of teaching, and a priest couldn’t go wrong reading that and drawing some material from that.

Parishes can ask an NFP teaching couple to come teach a class at their parish, and advertise in the bulletin. We’re trying to start a network of NFP-using couples in the area so that people who use NFP know other people who use NFP. Have a public speaker come—Blessed Sacrament had Christopher West recently, and that’s a great way. Not just Natural Family Planning, but the whole Theology of the Body and how it applies across the board.

[For information on NFP classes, contact Monica at monicadevet@hotmail.com
For the full interview, of which the above are brief excerpts, contact John Lindblom: jalind@u.washington.edu